Bride Angry With SIL for Attending Other Family Wedding – SheKnows

Weddings are easily one of the more important areas of our social calendar as adults. There are so many moving parts for all stakeholders from planning the RSVP to the logistics (and don’t get me started with the day-long chaos of modern bachelor parties) to the point of The whole thing can become super high stakes and dramatic in an instant. Add to that the way saving days for a wedding always seem to fall in, like three chaotic busy weekends each spring and summer, which can all feel a lot.

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No one knows this better than a recent AITA employee who found herself chosen as the Principal Bride by both her brother and Reddit when she wrote to test her reaction to her decision to attend a wedding. married her brother’s other family on the same day as hers.

“I am getting married in June. Everyone has been saving dates since October. Me December, my SIL (my brother’s fiancé) found out that her best friend/cousin is getting married on the same day as me. Since then, she’s been in a dilemma about which wedding she’s going to attend or whether she’ll somehow make them both work,” the poster wrote. “I told my brother that I would be hurt if they chose to attend my best friend’s wedding because my wedding was announced before and after all, I am a relative even to her. Her best friend is also her cousin, so she’s family [too] but sister-in-law in my opinion is more of an immediate relationship than a cousin. ”

However, when RSVP returns, the poster discovers that her brother will be attending her wedding but his fiancée will be attending her cousin/best friend’s event – a common sense, the kind of compromise split that anyone who’s ever planned as part of a family can understand must work out over time. However, the news upset her so much that she phoned her brother to ask for an explanation and once again emphasized that she thinks mother-in-law is seen as some kind of instant family. somehow better than best friends and cousins.

AITA for getting mad at my SIL for choosing to attend her best friend’s wedding over me? from AmItheAsshole

“This misled me because it seemed like her priorities weren’t straight forward and she didn’t realize the importance of family and the law to cousins/best friends,” the poster concluded. end. “I told my brother that I was going to call her to express my disappointment but he said I shouldn’t be involved and that I couldn’t force her to attend my wedding and that I am allowed to feel sad but not angry. I am an AH. ”

Obviously there’s quite a bit to unpack here. For one, it’s the weird ego, the ego, the selfish ego, and the solipsism that pop up in people during or around a wedding that can cause a person to give up their ultimate pragmatism. You know, part of them can be adults and say “I understand that I am loved and you will be represented on our special day (through my brother) and the same can be said to other members of your family.” also keep in mind that you can feel down or sad about something without letting others down, upset or angry about the matter without good reason. (If it’s like the emotional naming you’re explaining to a child when they throw a tantrum due to a lack of empathy or understanding, that’s because it is.)

And then there’s the odd assumption that cousins/best friends are somehow lower than some mysterious unwritten family septum than your fiancé’s sister. Every family is different and the proximity, traditions and obligations are also varied. You probably know many families where cousins ​​were raised together, as close as any group of siblings! But, beyond that, it doesn’t serve anyone to have this kind of value rating for loved ones that dictates how you and your family navigate social and family obligations – and it doesn’t serve you. Serve anyone who crosses this leaderboard to try and stay strong- support someone attending a party just for you. (Like, think how weird and uncomfortable that is!) It’s a pretty easy way to end up emotionally hurt and more dramatic than anyone might want to be attached to. their wedding day, especially if, like this bride, you’re anyway getting a pretty reasonable compromise from these people you appreciate.

“It was her best friend. Will friend be cool with your best friend skipping your wedding for a son-in-law? No, no, you won’t. And me i know you won’t, because you’re throwing a match just idea you may not be on top of anyone else’s priorities,” one commenter wrote. “Slowly accept your brother’s perfectly reasonable compromise and walk away from it before anyone else decides they don’t want to attend an event where it is quickly becoming apparent that it is being held. held by a bride.”

Most people in the thread agree with that sentiment, strongly encouraging the OP that rethinking her reaction and controlling her emotions would be the move to make the most of the wedding experience her and any long-term relationship she may hope to have with her future SIL.

“YTA you are allowed to feel hurt because she chose someone else’s wedding over yours, but you also need to empathize with her wishes and appreciate the very reasonable compromise they made. out. She will remain your SIL and this can be a very difficult decision for her. Please don’t hold a grudge against her,” said one commenter, with added wisdom that “…you barely talked to or visited any of the people at your wedding. You will be too busy. “

While wedding culture can be completely exhausting and bring out some of the worst in people, it never hurts to have some perspective and empathy throughout the process. After all, the whole event is supposed to be a celebration of love by uniting families and communities to rally around a couple! So doing what you can to not lose track of it is a good way to never step into bride’s territory and hurt someone you love in the process.

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