A teacher who allegedly had sex with a student said he was a handsome boy and admitted she was into him, a court has learned.
Fiona Carrier, 61, was teaching music at the £6,000 Reading Blue Coat School in Reading when she was “grooming” the 14-year-old boy.
She reportedly invited the teenager over to her home for one-on-one piano lessons in the ’90s before making him dinner and sleeping with him.
Carrier is now on trial on a series of sexual assault charges against the student, who is now an adult but has not yet been named.
A jury heard how the former teacher previously admitted to a similar charge against the same boy, which she described as “fumbling on the sofa.”
Testifying at Oxford Crown Court on Friday, Carrier said she “cannot remember how or why” it happened, but said it happened shortly after her husband left her.
Carrier told the jury that the boy stayed at her home for the night when the first incident happened.
She said: “I went in with a glass of water and bed linen.
“He said to me, ‘You look really sad,’ and I said, ‘I’m sad, it’s a tough old time.'”
“Then he mentioned my necklace — he said, ‘You always wear that necklace,’ and I said it was one I like.”
“Out of the blue, he pulled the necklace forward and kissed me.”
Although Carrier invited the boy to stay at her cottage, she said she “didn’t see it”. [the kiss] Come”.
She added, “Call me an absolute jerk but I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I’ve taught hundreds of teenage boys, but I didn’t expect that.”
In the morning she told a friend of the boy who also stayed with her what had happened.
She said, “The boyfriend was angry and said, ‘How could he do that, I’ll say something’.”
“That shocked me quite a bit. I didn’t want him to say anything.”
“He could have hit him or something, so I didn’t want him to interfere.”
The jury was told that a second incident occurred on another night in which the couple engaged in sexual activity.
Carrier said: “I didn’t know exactly in what context, but I do know where it happened, on the sofa in my living room.
“I can’t remember how or why. I’ve racked my brains about this for decades and felt ashamed and horrified and thought how, how, how did something happen. How?”
“I’ve just never been able to forgive myself. I can’t explain what happened, but it crossed the line.”
“I was very aware that he might brag to his friends [about the kiss] and that if that came out, I could lose my job, I could lose everything.
“I could hardly cope the way it was.
“I remember he came by earlier than some of the others. I was just trying to talk about it.
“It was a quick fumble, just touching, no clothes were removed or anything.”
When someone is of a certain age, you don’t realize that he is a handsome boy
The teacher said shortly afterwards that the victim had taken a shower and put his shirt in the laundry.
She said the next day one of his friends asked why the t-shirt was on the heater and both she and the victim lied and said something had been spilled on it.
Another day, Carrier picked the boy up from the train station to talk about the incident.
She said: “We were in a cauldron, a melting pot of emotions.
“It was scary, I was going to pick him up and I was like, ‘This absolutely can’t happen. I feel so bad that nothing can happen anymore.’
“He said, ‘No, that’s cool,’ and I said, ‘Oh man, I know you think this is a game. It’s terrible, it’s not a game.”
She also recounted how the couple talked on the phone that night, which she said was “everything on his terms.”
Jack Talbot, defending himself, asked her, “Didn’t you think, ‘I’m the teacher, he’s a student’?”
She replied: “In retrospect, absolutely.
“Looking back, alarm bells should have gone off for me, but for some reason I didn’t.
“It has absolutely haunted me ever since.
“I pray a lot for him, I’ve never been able to forgive myself. It made me sick.”
“God can forgive anyone, but I cannot forgive myself.
“Someone of a certain age doesn’t prevent you from noticing that he’s a handsome boy.
“Objectively he was, but that doesn’t stop me from liking him. Anyone can tell if someone is a handsome person.”
Prosecutor James Keeley asked, “This is how you describe a 14-year-old boy in your care.”
Carrier added, “Yes, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
The process goes on.