Football betting recap – Bad offenses, safeties and a butt punt

Here’s to you: “Hammer the unders!” Weather! You listened to the experts, you threw that knowledge into your group text threads like the boss that you are, and this weekend you cried tears of joy. As for the money line people? The football gods once again reminded us that our sorrow is their joy. Buckets of tears have been filled and we are here to break it.


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Dan Orlovsky now has the distinction of being the second handsomest quarterback to ever accidentally run from the back of the end zone, but this game between the 49ers and the Broncos is the ugliest thing we’ve seen in ages. 11-10? For real? On Sunday night when we can’t even turn on another game?! Moneyline weather – we’re SURE Jimmy Garoppolo would help the passing offense. Oops.

Only Orlovsky was allowed to celebrate this

Verdict: Three buckets


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It’s okay to admit that Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers are incredible and their offenses are incredibly bad too, right? We knew this was going to be a defensive fight, but you know the Bucs moneyline folks felt all kinds of bragging rights when Tampa had a chance to tie it with a 2-point conversion.

Oops. A wild game penalty delay followed by a failed 2-point conversion and Packer’s money celebrated like Ratatouille’s Remy when he found a cheeseboard.

Verdict: Two buckets – one filled with sadness and one with joy.


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Why does a Jacksonville blowout win make this list? Because some of you lucky bettors were so confident in this game when you thought Herbert wasn’t going to play, and you know damn well you threw up your hands in sadness and disgust when you found out he was in the lineup. Still, go your way and speak your conversation because right now you look brilliant.

Verdict: 1.5 buckets – mostly filled with your pre-kickoff tears, which you’ll now deny.


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Bills offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey looked just like your Bills fan pal at the bar by the end of that game.

This has all the makings of a “why did i watch THE game” game. Bad beat in the first half?

Winning team by 275 yards? Cool. Perfect. We even had a butt punt. A kick in the cheek? A tush push? OK, I’ll stop now.

Verdict: 3.5 buckets… and a clear indication of which side I’m betting on.

As always, we have to give credit to Saturday for contributing to the chaos.


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Missouri kicker Harrison Mevis had a chance to be the “thicker kicker upper” with a potentially game-winning chip-shot field goal to beat Auburn, but he wasn’t “Downy” to end this thing in regulation allow.

I’m not proud of this joke. Actually I am.

Anyway, Auburn got in on the missed kick fun, but an offside call gave them a second chance in overtime. That turned into a maroon trail, and I can only imagine “Tastes great! Less filling!” back and forth what was happening in sports bars everywhere between supporters from Auburn and Missouri. Then…well…Missouri fans were reminded why they can’t have pretty things.

Verdict: Five buckets


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Raise your hand when you’ve selected this annoyance. Now keep your hand in the air so we know who’s buying dinner for the rest of the year.

Verdict: Four buckets of cash

Win or lose – from the first bucket of wings (with a side of blue cheese, of course, we can all agree the ranch sucks) on Saturday afternoon to the last wing you ate on Sunday night while wondering how many Hours is too many hours for chickens to sit outside at room temperature – buckets have been filled.

you can tweet me @Jasonfitz with your bucket fillers and even get yourself some awesome swag. Here’s to another week of chaos my friends.

https://www.espn.com/chalk/story/_/id/34672605/football-betting-recap-bad-offenses-safeties-punt Football betting recap – Bad offenses, safeties and a butt punt

Emma Bowman

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