Bad weather, discomfort from potholes and train strikes. . . Some might say it’s no joke.
But scientific studies show that laughter is actually the best medicine as it contributes to good health and can even boost your immune system.
Here, Sarah Arnold has rounded up some of the best puns and gags, covering everything from doctor waits to the cost of living and rising energy bills to put a smile back in readers’ faces.
General practitioner appointments:
I was trying to get a doctor’s appointment today. They said to me, “How about ten tomorrow?” I said, “One is enough.”
WHO do you call when you need a doctor right away? The nearest golf course.
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’m going to die in 59 seconds.” Doctor: “Wait, I’ll be right there.”
TWO years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since then.
WHAT is the difference between RMT and Lightning? Lightning never strikes the same place twice.
HOW to find a missing train? Follow the tracks.
WHY was the Ghost fired during a train strike? He could not coordinate the emergency service.
What do you call a road full of potholes and ice? rocky road.
THE guys who fixed the potholes on our road are gone. I have no idea when they will reappear.
WHAT is the difference between a pothole and a normal hole? One is higher than the other.
I opened my electric bill and my water bill at the same time. I was shocked.
DATE: I’m instantly attracted to men with power. Me: I just paid my electric bill.
When I was younger I was afraid of the dark. Now I see the utility bills and I’m scared of the light.
I can’t afford to pay my electric bill. These are the darkest days of my life. . .
I asked my Siri speaker, “Surely the weather won’t be that bad tomorrow?” She replied, “Yes, it will be — and don’t call me Shirley.”
DO NOT trust the forecast of a change in weather for the better. It’s just a front.
WHAT could be worse than heavy rain in the UK this month? Calling taxis.
cost of living
SUPERMARKETS will raise the price of vodka by 1p to £20 from tomorrow. So tonight I’m going to party like it’s £19.99.
My local Chinese keep increasing the prices due to the electricity bill. I said they should turn off some of their lights. They said they make dim sum.
Gas prices are so high these days that I used vodka in my lawn mower. Now my grass is half cut.