Grammys 2023: Read Trevor Noah’s full opening monologue
Grammys host Trevor Noah kicked off music’s biggest night for the third straight year with another hilarious opening monologue – following a dynamic performance by Bad Bunny.
The former Daily Show host returned to host the 65th Grammy Awards at the Crypto.com Arena in Los Angeles on Sunday (“best city in the world if you ignore a few other cities,” quipped Noah ). The live show began at 5 p.m. Pacific on CBS and is scheduled to end at 8:30 p.m. It can also be streamed live and on-demand via Paramount+ Premium.
“I’m lucky enough to be your host again tonight,” Noah said at the beginning of his monologue.
“My job is to be your eyes and ears. I’ll float around in this room. … This is the room where it all goes – just look around. … Every song on TikTok you listen to? There are people who have made them. That’s them!”
Noah also took a moment to introduce Adele to “the person Adele has always wanted to meet but never met”: Dwayne Johnson. After Noah surprised the “Easy on Me” singer with a performance by The Rock, the two superstars shared a sweet hug amidst the crowd.
‘You’ve never met him, have you?’ Noah asked Adele. “I found out he’s a big fan of yours too. And no, I don’t have Dwayne Johnson here tonight, but I do have someone called The Rock? Adele, meet the rock. The Rock, meet Adele! The first time. All right, you two get to know each other.”
In December, Noah announced he would be returning to host the Grammy Awards a week after his last bow as host of The Daily Show. The South African comedian hosted the popular Comedy Central program for around seven years before announcing his departure in September.
In an interview with Billboard, Noah said he’s excited to be hosting the Grammys again because he’s “a fan of just about every guy that’s there” and because “it’s going to be… back in LA.”
This year, Beyoncé leads the Grammy nominations with nine nominations — including Record, Song and Album of the Year. Other top contenders include Kendrick Lamar, Brandi Carlile, Adele, Harry Styles, Mary J. Blige, DJ Khaled, Future, The-Dream, and Randy Merrill.
“Beyoncé is nominated for her album Renaissance,” Noah said. “Which, by the way, I thought was better than anything from the actual Renaissance. The Renaissance was just pictures of grapes and stuff. Beyoncé took it to another level.
“In fact, I was so inspired by the lyrics of ‘Break My Soul’ that I actually quit my job. It was that powerful. I just wish Beyoncé had written a song about the importance of having savings before you quit your job.”
Artists set to perform during Sunday’s show include Styles, Blige, Carlile, Luke Combs, Steve Lacy, Lizzo, Sam Smith, Kim Petras and Bad Bunny.
“Harry Styles is here tonight,” Noah continued. “I mean, what can you say about this man that hasn’t already been said? … women throw their knickers to this man … he puts them on and he looks better in them than they do.”
Read Noah’s full opening monologue below.
Give it up for Bad Bunny, folks. Wow that was amazing. Absolutely unbelievable. Every time I listen to it I get hips I never knew I had. This album is so fiery it makes Trump want to learn Spanish, it does. (Impersonating former President Trump) ‘Un Verano Sin Ti.’ That’s it folks. Welcome to the Grammys, everyone! Welcome to it. We made it. We are back. And I am fortunate to be your host again tonight.
My job is to be your eyes, your ears. I’ll float around in this room. Treat me like a Chinese spy balloon. That’s what I’m doing right now – gathering any information you want, because that’s the room. This is the room where everything goes down. just look around look at all the faces
We have the best musicians, the best artists, the best producers in the world. Every song on TikTok you listen to? There are people who have made them. That’s them! And when I say we have the biggest names, I mean the biggest names in the room. Are you kidding me? LL Cool J, my guy over here in the room. Look at that! Look at this room. That’s crazy. It’s the who‘S who – all.
We have [Questlove] and the gang. are you kidding me Look at that. We have… Beyoncé is in the room, People! You understand how amazing this is right now, don’t you? You understand. Beyoncé is nominated for her album Renaissance, which I think was better than anything else from Renaissance proper. The Renaissance was just pictures of grapes and stuff. Beyoncé took it to another level. In fact, I was so inspired by the lyrics of “Break My Soul” that I actually quit my job. That’s how powerful it was. I just wish Beyoncé had also written a song about the importance of having savings before you quit your job, but maybe the next one.
Harry Styles is here tonight, everyone. That’s right. I mean, what can you say about this man that hasn’t already been said? Incredible album, stunning tour…a 15 night run at [Madison Square Garden] and the forum. Women throw up their panties [at] this man. Then he puts them on, and he looks better in it than she does. Simply the sexiest man alive – there is no competition. Sex symbol of the world – especially now that they’ve done away with the green M&M – no competition. RIP, Green. We miss you.
This is the room folks. We brought Kendrick Lamar into the building from LA tonight. The man is super talented. He has a Pulitzer. He has Grammys. His album was a therapy session that earned him multiple Grammy nominations. All therapy ever got me was to help me overcome my childhood trauma. Useless! From now on we will talk about trauma. We’re going to talk about therapy.
We’ve got the best of Compton right through to the best of Brooklyn in house. That’s right – Jay-Z will be with us tonight, folks. Jay Z will perform. It will May be … so special. And I’m looking forward to it because Jay-Z could have been anywhere in the world tonight, but he’s here with us and I appreciate that.
Lizzo joins us. I saw Lizzo over there. Ah, I see you! I see you Lizzo! look at that smile Congratulations on everything – body positivity, the TV shows, world domination, killing the haters on Instagram and Twitter. I love it. The most famous flute player in the world since – I’m sure there have been others – but you know what I mean? And you want to stay here ’cause Lizzo’s performing at exactly 2:00 p.m. tonight. Set your clocks.
I have never seen such a stacked room. I have never seen such a stacked room. Taylor Swift will be with us. Oh, she’s almost there! Look at that! She’ll be right there. Taylor Swift sold more albums last year than any other person on the planet. That’s right – more than anyone else. The only music we listened to more than Taylor’s music was the music on hold for Southwest Airlines – that was it. They have the real streaming numbers.
And by the way, I love your song ‘Anti-Hero’, yes. Thanks very much. My aunt is also a heroine. Her name is Beatrice. We appreciate that. Thanks for celebrating one of the aunts out there. We have so many incredible greats performing tonight. I don’t even think you understand – everyone from Stevie Wonder to Kacey Musgraves… from Bonnie Raitt to Lil Wayne. We all have. You don’t want to miss any of it. Any generation, any genre. My job tonight is just to be the host—the best host I can be. And to do that, I try to learn what everyone is into — or attempts. I try to know my guests.
For example, I know that LL Cool J really loves breakfast cereal. That’s part of the research. I know Cardi B is obsessed with presidents. This is a real thing. I also know that Adele loves tea, her Vegas show is phenomenal and – this is one of the weirdest things I’ve found out – the person Adele has always wanted to meet but never met is Dwayne Johnson. You’ve never met him, right? Yes. And then I found out that he’s a big fan of yours too. And no, I don’t have Dwayne Johnson here tonight, but I do have someone called The Rock? Adele, meet the rock. The Rock, meet Adele! The first time. All Right, you two get to know each other.
We’ll keep the show going. Well, before we get to the next performance, I wanted to let you know that today at the pre-show, the premiere ceremony, Beyoncé won two awards, which puts her just two wins away from breaking the all-time record for most Grammy nominations. wins of all time. Always, folks! You do realize that tonight we could all witness history? And even if she doesn’t break the record, she still gets to be Beyoncé. So it’s a win-win situation.
Good luck, Queen Bey. For the 65th annual Grammy Awards we decided to do something different. We’re going to ask some of the people who play a big part in our artists’ musical success stories and lives to introduce them. These are the people the artists would thank if we didn’t play them off after 25 seconds.
https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/music/story/2023-02-05/grammys-2023-trevor-noah-opening-monologue Grammys 2023: Read Trevor Noah’s full opening monologue