How to Talk to Children And Build Trust With Them

Are you a parent who feels that their children do not listen, wondering what to say to them? Do you feel that there is a barrier between you and them that keeps them from opening up to you? Do you want them to trust you so you have a better relationship?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then continue reading to find solutions to these problems. I’ll explain three keys to gaining your child’s trust so they can talk more openly with you.

How to talk to kids: 3 keys to building trust with them

Here are tips that will help you talk to your children and have a better relationship with them.

1. Give them your attention

Giving your child your undivided attention seems like an affordable and easy solution to building communication and trust. However, with the high levels of distractions we have in our culture today (the top distraction being cell phones) it is becoming increasingly difficult to give undivided attention. more difficult.

Research reported in the article Smartphone distracting drawingshows that keeping a cell phone in sight, even when not in use, creates a mental distraction for people. To communicate with our undivided attention, we need to put cell phones and other distractions out of sight and out of our minds.

Up their level

When you’re talking to young children, it’s important to get to their level, both physically and metaphorically.

If you’re talking to a two-year-old, bend over to their eye level so you’re facing each other, at eye level. Then, use words that a two-year-old can understand. Don’t use big words or analogies they can’t understand. Use basic language appropriate to the child’s age and intelligence.

Eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. We make a lot of eye and face contact without ever saying a word.

If we are taller than a child, it makes eye contact more distant and distant. Bending down to the child’s level or sitting across from them in a chair to match their height is a good way to achieve eye contact with them.

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Eye contact lets your child know that you care enough and pay attention to them. You convey this by looking them in the eye and not being distracted by anything else. This will build trust in the relationship as they know that you care and you make an effort to make eye contact with them.

Use their first name

In the article The power of using someone’s nameit was declared,

“When we say a person’s name, we are telling our listeners how important they are to us.”

Having power in using someone’s name. It establishes a connection and lets the person know that we care about them. It is announcing that they are important to us. Using a child’s name when talking to them helps build trust, as it shows them that they are important people.

Use reflexes after listening

Active listening involves all the things discussed earlier. Making eye contact, showing their level, and providing undivided attention are all important behaviors to exhibit, which will show your child that you can be trusted because you care. what children have to say.

Taking communication to the next level will include reflecting back on what they are telling you.

For example, if your child had a difficult day because she argued with you during recess and it upset her, you could say, “I’m sorry to hear you had a difficult day, it seems like you’re upset because of you. had an argument with your friend.” It’s simply reflecting back on what they’ve communicated to let them know that you understand what they’ve said.

Reflect their feelings

Reflecting on their feelings is very helpful. This will show you are empathetic and understand what they’re going through.

If they don’t say what they’re feeling, you can always continue with the question, “how does that make you feel”. You can then reflect back on the feelings they expressed and you can admit that you understand their feelings. This will help validate their feelings.

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2. Use warmth and empathy

Our care for our children is a wonderful thing. However, if the interactions are feeling cold and distant, trust and positive relationships will not be built. It is necessary to strive to use warmth, compassion, and empathy when dealing with our children.

This sounds like an easy thing to do. However, when our lives are very busy and we feel stressed, we can default to less interaction. We need to take the time and effort to talk to our children in a way that conveys warmth and empathy, as this builds a relationship of trust.

Empathy is required

If we want to have healthy relationships with our children and earn their trust, then we must show them empathy. Empathy is simply the ability to see the other person’s point of view. In essence, it’s about putting you in their shoes, as they say.

For example, if your child comes home from school and looks moody, moody, and moody, take the time to ask them about their day with genuine interest. Ask what happened to get them in this mood and let them know that you’d like to help them if you can. Ask them to explain it so you can help understand their life and what they are going through at school.

When you are not willing to put yourself in your child’s shoes (to see things from their perspective), you are saying that they are not important enough for you to warrant your time, effort, and energy. It can also show that you simply don’t care about their point of view and that yours is the only one. This can wreak havoc on the parent-child relationship in a terrible way.

Sympathetic model

Children who are well modeled on empathy may develop better empathy. If we want to raise our children to care about others and the world around them, then we must teach them empathy. One of the most influential ways to teach a child empathy is through our model. How we model empathy and treat them empathically affects their ability to learn empathy.

3. Be consistent

When you’re raising a child, it’s important to be consistent and fair. Children thrive in environments when they know what to expect and an established routine.

For example, if you’ve set up a reward system for jobs and then decide one day you don’t want to follow through on pay (without good reason), this sends mixed messages to children. It can convey the message that their efforts are not appreciated or that they do not deserve to be rewarded.

If you say you will do something, then you have to stick to your word. It’s consistency and it also makes you a trustworthy adult in their life.

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Consistency and routine can go a long way in helping your child feel secure. Home security will help them feel that they can trust you.

Make the consequences fair

One way that good relationships with your children can be destroyed is by making your child feel defeated. If the consequences when they do wrong are too severe, they will be scared and distrust you.

For example, if your child takes a cookie out of a cookie jar without your permission and you take away an entire month’s worth of tech privileges because of this one infraction, he or she may feel that The consequences are unfair. This will lead to the child feeling resentful towards the parents for their lack of fairness.

Determine consequences fairly and reasonably. Make sure the rules are reasonable and fair. If you’re too strict, this can drive your child away from you, as they’ll think you’re unfair and don’t take their side.

Provide options and choices

When we are raising our children, our goal is to create independent human beings. That doesn’t happen overnight. It happens through opportunities that allow the child to be independent and make decisions.

Of course, decisions should be age-appropriate and within the parent’s rule structure. For example, allowing a child to decide if they want juice or milk for dinner (for toddlers), or if they want to go with the family to a concert or earn money babysitting for someone else. neighbors on their Friday night (for a teen).

We can create opportunities for independence by giving our children choice and choice. This allows the child to feel that you trust them to make their own decisions. In loving and logical parenting methods, you use a decision model, which may include discussion of potential consequences. You can see an example of how this works in Teach your kids to solve their own problems.

Avoid harsh threats and harsh words

Verbal threats are not a good idea, nor is it using harsh words. Both of these will create distrust in the relationship. If you tell a child they are stupid or bad, how can they trust you?

If threats of punishment are harsh and unrealistic, it is also harmful to building a relationship of trust. For example, telling a child that they can live on the street if they are not appreciated will not help build a relationship of trust. They may begin to feel that they do not want to be in their home or that they may be evicted at any time. That creates insecurity and distrust in the relationship.

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Get on well

Adults should always have a conscience about whether or not they are in it with their children. For example, if you have three children and you only take two out for ice cream, the third child will feel excluded. Parents should be especially aware of children being excluded or treated worse than any other child in the family. Efforts to make all children equal will be beneficial in building trusting family relationships.

Accept it

Everyone wants to feel accepted. We are all different. No two people are exactly alike. We need to keep this in mind with our own children. They are not us. They are people apart from us with their own views, ideas and ways of life. We must be willing to accept that our children are different from us and that we love them regardless.

When you let a child know that you accept them, differences and all, you are building trust in your relationship with them. Accepting them means not criticizing their differences (unless they go against the legal, ethical, or moral standards you’re raising your children with, of course).

For example, if your son is passionate about learning to play the violin and you, conversely, play football and have never been interested in music, showing acceptance of their hobby will help them trust you. into your relationship. . Setting up violin lessons and respecting their interest in the activity will further build trust in the relationship.

Building trust for all ages

Building trust with people of all ages includes many of the same ingredients. It is about making the person feel understood, included, accepted and that their feelings are validated.

Whether we’re three or sixty, we all have a desire for relationships in which we feel confident and we can trust each other. A relationship of trust that includes good communication skills and makes both parties feel included, accepted, understood, and desired will help each individual thrive in the relationship.

Featured photo credit: Gabe Pierce via How to Talk to Children And Build Trust With Them

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