I Don’t Blame Amber Heard for Forgetting the Makeup She Used on Her Bruises. I Have.

Dr Mosley says survivors of abuse often feel ashamed of their experiences. In the course of conducting a community-based study in Detroit with sex workers of all genders, Dr. Mosley witnessed many participants try to hide their wounds from the world, Cover the bruise with makeup, glasses, hats, and clothes.

“[When Heard speaks about] I think I never want to go out in public with bruises. [it] speaks to both the internal stigma of being a survivor of violence and how victims feel very deeply that they are personally responsible for causing that violence themselves,” she said.

What some of the transgender women in the study repeated to Dr. Mosley still haunts her. “Almost all of them have been survivors of intimate partner violence, and I remember in particular two women who said something like this: “I know I became a woman,” she said. when my partner started beating me.” “There’s something in our society that really connects being a woman to being abused, to the point where the transgender women we interviewed who were survivors used that as a criterion. fundamental to being a woman in society.”

Before Katey Denno was a makeup artist in Los Angeles, she spent a decade as a social worker in Virginia, The Bronx, and Washington, DC. Part of her job included covering up clients’ bruises with the only thing her shelter had on hand – children’s face paint.

“Most people feel embarrassed and ashamed, and disgusted, that they’re bringing this experience outside. [body]”Denno said.” Everyone feels embarrassed [and would wonder things like] ‘Why do I let my child testify?’, ‘Why can’t I see the warning signs?’ [and] “Why do I still love this person?”

There are times when clients don’t want Denno to cover their bruises – sometimes they leave the wound exposed to convince friends and family who suspect that the abuse really happened. Or maybe, like Heard, they will go to court to prove their abuse, thinking it might make the judge or jury believe them.

“I always wish that [the abuse] didn’t happen, but [covering bruises] also assured me that makeup can be very powerful,” added Denno. This gave me the opportunity to show someone that even in this moment, you have the ability to easily control your outer appearance and that will make you feel better in this moment. . “

Covering one’s own bruises is not an act of control. I was a person before I was abused, and I will be a different person by the time I feel the powder brush on my skin. But when I spent an hour or so Googling “what shade fixes dark spots” and trying to teach myself color theory, I figured out one thing: life doesn’t have to be like this. . My mind whispered this mantra until I finally had the courage to believe it.

I don’t think I would have made it to higher ground if it weren’t for the dismay of having to find a way to cover the bruise. I will never forget its compact shape and the soft feel of its cushioning against my skin. I can still close my eyes and feel the plastic of the product in my hand. I’ve been trying to remember the brand name all week, but, like Heard, I struggled to remember.

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