DEAR DEIDRE: I had drunk sex with my boyfriend and three of his buddies. He said it would be exciting, but the whole thing was a blur.
I’m studying at university and I met my boyfriend there. I’m 20 now and he’s 23.
He was my first sexual partner.
Our relationship was great, but last month he admitted he was getting bored in the bedroom and suggested inviting one of his friends to join us.
He knows I’m not very liberated, so I was surprised by his bold request.
I thought I made it clear I wasn’t comfortable but he kept pressuring me and because I love him so much I agreed to do it.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
However, I wasn’t ready for what happened. He brought three people from the bar he works at. We started playing spin the bottle.
We all drank a lot and I remember everyone laughing, but then things took a turn.
The next thing I remember I was lying on the bed and having sex with one while the other watched and so on. I feel so ashamed
The following weekend I went home to my parents for a week to try to forget that night.
That was two months ago and I’m still thinking about it. I used to go to the bar where my partner works. Now I hate the thought of it.
My boyfriend no longer pushes me to have group sex, but now I don’t have the same for him.
I told a friend and she said I sure would have enjoyed feeling wanted by so many men – but I’m just so lost.
Why do I feel this way? I’m so confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: If you were so drunk you couldn’t consent, then I’m sorry to say you were raped.
If this was the case, you can find help and emotional support at Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.ukTel: 0808 802 9999).
However, if you were a little drunk and can remember consenting, that’s a different matter.
Casual sex with strangers can pose sexual health risks and evoke all sorts of emotions, and from what you wrote, that experience was far from a positive one.
In any case, your partner should watch out for you and not exploit any vulnerabilities.
Please consider carefully whether this man is a long-term substance.
No partner should use you for their own gratification.