DEAR DEIDRE: My wife says she will be intimate with me, but only if I pay her to have sex.
I went along at first because I thought it was just an RPG and she’d developed a new weakness.
But later it turned out that she was punishing me since she found out I had paid a sex worker to sleep with me.
It was a terrible mistake – I was struggling to maintain an erection and just wanted to check if something was wrong with me.
Now my wife has upped her price to £150 each. I can’t afford to have sex with her more than twice a month. I am 55 and my wife is 52.
It’s been 25 years since we tied the knot.
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It’s hard to believe our marriage has come this far.
My wife hid the fact that she knew about the sex worker when she started charging me for physical intimacy.
Admittedly, it really turned me on at first, but now I have to live with constant insults.
She calls me all sorts of swear words because nothing I do is up to her standards.
When my wife admitted that she had known for months what I had done, I was truly ashamed.
I stopped trying to explain and I’ve been sleeping on the sofa ever since.
I can’t believe my wife thinks it’s okay to continue treating me this way and it’s hard to say how long it will continue.
It almost seems like this is our new normal, but charging your man for sex isn’t normal, is it?
I can’t sleep on the sofa forever, my back is broken.
I just want my wife back. What can I do to make her forgive me?
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds to me like there’s a lot of resentment on both sides.
Your wife’s confidence will have taken a hit since your betrayal and she is punishing you.
It’s not fair that she treats you like this, but things won’t change until you talk openly and honestly with each other.
Rather than explaining why you paid a sex worker, an unconditional apology — without trying to justify your behavior — is more likely to go down well with your wife.
Couples counseling would be a good place to start and is available through tavistockrelationships.org.
My Take Care of Your Relationship and Erection Problem Solving support packs can help you find healthy responses to changes in yourself and your relationship.