What is a situationship and how do you know if you’re in one?

You’re not actually in a relationship with anyone, but you’re not just hanging around either. We’ve all been there, but nobody really knows what it’s called.

Now there is an answer: a situation. Yesss. That is exactly right. Much better than the old standby “it’s complicated” and much more meaningful than “hang around”. Such a sweet relief.

The term was unearthed by Carina Hsieh, who wrote about it(Opens in a new window) Per cosmo. She says she first heard about it from a guy named Tony at a party, who said, “Basically we’re in this situation where it’s like things are either moving forward or not.”

Tony is obviously a genius. But where does that leave us? Is there anything wrong with dwelling in the odd middle ground between an emotionless date night and the place where there is discussion and terms like friend/girlfriend/etc. comfortably tossed back and forth?

cosmo paints them as highly destructive and pretty much the main problem of modern romanticism. They urge you to “save yourself from the consequences and set limits early on. Normalizing situations teaches people to lower their expectations and take whatever they can get from a partner, because hey, at least he likes you.”

A situation is nothing if it’s not just about hope.

hmm It’s true that for many, the mere lack of a concrete label can be distressing. And there are also the consequences to deal with when the situation comes to an end. A situation is nothing if not all about hope, and when that fizzles out it’s natural to be upset. But you might also feel weird mourning something that wasn’t actually an official matter.

But on the other hand, it might be okay to spend a little time in a label-free country. There isn’t that much pressure. If you’re not really ready for a full-blown relationship, or if you’re not entirely sure if this person is right for you (or even right for now), then a situation is a perfectly legitimate time to test the water .

When you really get down to business, life is basically just one long situation with very blurred boundaries and lots of chaotic emotions. So love it or hate it, at least it has a name now.

This article was originally published on May 3, 2017.